Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Peer Review: Group Two: I Missed a Week Somewhere: Week 5

Katie Arrivas: "A Trip [Not Taken] to My Homeland" I learned something reading this - the seating chart deity is not monotheistic as I previously imagined. In the third paragraph you start with, "I stepped off" and start the next sentence the same way. I'm not sure if this was an accident, but I know a lot of writers try and create a theme with repeating the start of sentences. I feel if you kept that up a little longer, a sub-theme in the paragraph could have been established. (Disregard that if it doesn't make sense) For "A Monsoon" I definitely enjoyed the examples of alliteration. "sloshed and slammed" and a few others. Alliterations are my favorite. For the essay, I enjoyed the atmosphere, we've all been there on the monsoon and you captured it nicely.

Kimberely Thomas: "Prompt 11: 'una donna del patrimonio Siciliano'" First, I loved the description of Siracusa, likening it to a bastard child between two American cities. That allowed even more of your voice to be brought out. Also your variety of sentence structure was very well done. As a reader, I was never lulled into a monotonous trance, but always left enthralled. Sometimes when I re-read my prompts, I like to read the first sentence of each paragraph. That gives me a real sense of the tone and voice of the story. Your prompt works perfectly for this. "Foregrounding Place – 'The Pilgrimage'" You nail the prompt. The descriptions were phenomenal. I've always known and have read about the Japanese prisons, but this groups has really put a face on history for me.

Nicola Simmons: I enjoyed both posts very much. Of course you already know the problem. I'm sure if you had the time, you could have elaborated on the story much more. But sometimes time isn't our best friend.

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