Thursday, March 10, 2011

Calm Persuasion: DON'T PANIC

If you're not familiar with the title, I present a cursory explanation: 42. Good, glad to have you all on board.
DON'T PANIC.
When a person attempts to read that phrase, a chain reaction occurs. First, the eyes fix onto the jumble of letters that are organized into "words". Then, with the proper level of education, our minds harmonize those words into loose meaning. Our brain, with syntaxes firing on all cylinders, then has a quick office meeting.

"What shall we do with these symbols?" The brain meta thinks to itself. "Is that a contraction? D-o-n. Don. Ok, great. Next item of business is that ghastly squiggly up on top there. An apostrophe, I do believe. Progress, good good. And that, judging by years of Sesame Street, is the letter T! Don't! Do not! Great! Do not.. Panic! Well, that sounds agreeable to me. Let's not panic today, shall we body?"
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is your brain in the context of one thousandth of a second. It would be a pity, in most cases, then to lose such a wonderful little device to the creatures that craves it. Zombies

Yes, many people will argue that zombies do not, and cannot exist. Once a person is incapacitated, they stay incapacitated. Of course, these people may very well be right. After all, when has a person died and come back to life who wasn't directly related to God? Hypothesize with me that the real life immortal, HeLa cell, jumps from a petri dish and contaminates a populated city. Humanity would be in a world of hurt. This is a "just in case" reminder as to why a human life is worth living.

One thing we living humans have going for us is the seven deadly sins! I mean, lust is just fun, and sloth is always up for a lazy day. Gluttony and greed? Hell yeah, sign me up for a round trip of that. If you were to become a mindless insentient being, who would watch TMZ all day and where would Ralph Nader get his votes from? Something else, that at least I would sorely miss, is my incredibly comfortable wardrobe. If I were to become zombified, how could I possibly enjoy the coziness of my bathrobe, or my Nike high tops that contains the tears and sweat of small child laborers? Zombies cannot help facilitate those labor camps, zombies cannot even give Charlie Sheen more attention. All they do is look for what makes them happy, without hurting their own kind.

You know, maybe these zombies are on to something...

No comments:

Post a Comment