New Group 4 Review

Alyssa - Your first post was very intimate, and through the intimacy voice was established very well. You told a good story while not being overly dramatic. Because it read so personal, I felt like a certain depth in the story was achieved. I loved the photo of Ashbury Williams at the end, it was very redditor of you. In prompt 21, I'm fairly curious how a night on Mill is an escape from the masses. Anywho, the description was good, and the scene was alive. The only problem I had was the beginning of the final paragraphs, "Before you know it," and "Next thing I know," it could be the case that you're trying to finish the essays before midnight, I know that happens to me every week, but I think your story would benefit from a bit more expansive transitions.

Chelsee - "There is no better perfume..." Your description of the first job we all had well. You set a bit of a conflict in the beginning and set to find a solution during the body. It was down to Earth and the story flowed smoothly. "Here you are..." You continued with the same theme, and the post started to evolve into a journal entry near the end. That's not a bad thing at all, it strongly brought out your opinion. Writing about such a strongly opinioned piece is a fine line to walk before it transgresses into a rant. You walked it nicely and stayed in the realm of sanity, thank you.

Leena - Firstly, I didn't think Leena would be recognized as a word, but here it is. I digress, I know the situation of your first post well, being in almost the exact same situation growing up. That gives me a little more insight and connection to your story. Opening up in a story like that almost seems to guarantee a voice for the writer, unless the story is written terribly. I'm not saying this to poke at your essay, but just as a note in general. Your story was given life with the care you presented for your family. "NAU Lecture Hall" I enjoyed the description to open to story, it added another dimension for the story itself. The post progressed well into a fun description of the lecturer and the building. While your second post met the proper length standards, your first post was one paragraph short of requirements. (I think, I could be horribly, horribly wrong)